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In this show Colette will be interviewing Dr. Lindsay Gibson, author of the ground-breaking article: Men are often inaccurately seen as only caring about sex at the expense of real love.
Gibson points out that for men sex is the deepest level of intimacy and connection he can experience with the woman he loves. Women get emotional intimacy through talking. This show is for anyone who wants to have a loving intimate relationship and a great sex life. It addresses the many challenges that people face as they try to keep their love, and their lovemaking, vibrant and alive.
Colette Malan gives practical down-to-earth advice to everyday people who have sex and relationship problems sabotaging the intimate connection they want to have.
She explores how lovemaking really does make more love in a relationship, and how essential love is to good sex. Join Colette as she gives advice on how to become a better lover and how to love sex more.
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As a psychotherapist who specializes in emotions, and as a woman with my own personal history of serial monogamy, I have come to realize that some What sex means to a man channel their need for love, intimacy, soothing, care, and comfort into sexual desire.
Dylan wants sex when he feels sad because he likes the comfort the physical holding provides. Dylan, like most people, wants to be held when he is sad. In fact, the need to be held when we feel sad is biologically programmed into our brains. He believes it is weak to let someone know that he feels lonely and wants company. Alternatively, he thinks it is acceptable to find and ask for sex, which satisfies his need for human connection.
Sexual excitement is a core emotion. Sexual excitement is often physically felt as sensations in the groin area with an impulse to seek orgasmic release. Sadness, anxietyloneliness, anger, and fear are other emotions that can combine with sexual excitement. The mashup of the tender emotions with sexual excitement is the brilliant way the mind can make sure core human needs are met in consciously covert yet culturally acceptable ways.
Mental health is improved by being in touch with the full range of our core emotions. Therefore, it is in our best interest to know which core emotions are present and driving our desire for sex. Is it pure sexual excitement? Is it a need for comfort? Is it a need for connection? If men and boys could own the full range of their emotions, not just anger "What sex means to a man" sexual excitement, we would see trends in depression and anxiety decrease.
When we block our core emotions sadness, fear, anger and needs for intimacy love, companionship, sharing of feelings, closeness men and women develop symptoms including anxiety, shame, and depression. Symptoms go away when we become reacquainted with our core emotions.
This first step to wellness comes from understanding that it is normal for both men and women to experience sadness, fear, love, anger, and longing for connection both sexual and through talking about our thoughts and feelings with each other. Emotions are not for the weak, they are for the human. Although things are slowly changing, the two main emotions that are most acceptable for men to display are still sexual excitement and anger.
So it is not surprising that the tender emotions, which have to be expressed in some way, get bound to sexuality. In fact, channeling needs for comfort and soothing into sex is actually a clever compromise. What having it away means to a bloke.
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